For my Christmas blog, here are a few assorted jokes. They are mostly but not all science- or maths-related. My favourites are the ones that hint at existential angst. (For any that look a bit blurred, click for a sharper image.)

 

phys_joke1

computer_problems

 

sharpsign

 

From a book shop with a sense of humour:

miners

 

Physics jokes

turnabout

Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks:
Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop at this train?

Police officer: Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?
Heisenberg: No, but I know where I am.

energy = milk * coffee^2

Entropy: it isn’t what it used to be.

“I’ve lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”

I was reading this book on anti gravity. It was difficult to put down.

resistance

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maths jokes (some from Paul Doherty)

self_description

What is the volume of a pizza of depth “a” and radius “z”?

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one says he wants half a beer. The third one says he wants a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says “You guys need to learn your limit.”

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

What does the ‘B’ in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoit B Mandelbrot.

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the other… eh? Hang on …

findx

 

 

 

 

 

General science jokes

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Psychiatrist to patient: “Don’t worry. You’re not deluded. You only think you are.”

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium
Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium
Batman!

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.

Pavlov is sitting in a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting “oh no, I forgot to feed the dog!”

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says
“Do you all want something to drink?”
The first logician says “I don’t know.”
The second logician says “I don’t know.”
The third logician says “Yes.”

The logician has a new baby, his parents ask excitedly:
“So, is it a boy or a girl?”
The logician replies: “yes”.

“Oxygen and potassium went on a date.”
“How did it go?”

born_not_downloaded

 

And finally:

birdsign

 

Happy Christmas!

P.S. there is another collection of science jokes (Christmas 2015) here.